Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Descriptive Paragraphs

Leave your descriptive paragraphs here! (If you've already posted it to another post, that's fine, you don't need to repost it.)

27 comments:

  1. Madeline Gonsior

    With the sun shinning in the sky its a beautiful day. As you stroll in you frantically look around trying to find a place to settle. You spot it. You sped like a Cheetah going after its prey. "SQUEAK" You got it. As you get out out into the open the smell of water and sunscreen fill the air. Its going to be a beautiful day. To get to the water you must climb this hill that once you reach the top you are out of breath. Splash, Screams of laughter, whistles and water noises fill the air. This place is like a zoo. As you look around you spot a place to sit. You get one of the last seats. As you sit down you hear the water roaring as it hits the surface. As the sun hits your skin you feel like a cookie baking in an oven. In order to cool down you walk over to a board that lies what looks like to be 100ft. in the air. Climbing to the top is like climbing a mountian. As you reach the top you count down "3..2..1.. CANNONBALL!!"

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  2. Descriptive ParagraphApril 28, 2010 at 9:09 PM

    Madeline Gonsior

    With the sun shinning in the sky its a beautiful day. As you stroll in you frantically look around trying to find a place to settle. You spot it. You sped like a Cheetah going after its prey. "SQUEAK" You got it. As you get out out into the open the smell of water and sunscreen fill the air. Its going to be a beautiful day. To get to the water you must climb this hill that once you reach the top you are out of breath. Splash, Screams of laughter, whistles and water noises fill the air. This place is like a zoo. As you look around you spot a place to sit. You get one of the last seats. As you sit down you hear the water roaring as it hits the surface. As the sun hits your skin you feel like a cookie baking in an oven. In order to cool down you walk over to a board that lies what looks like to be 100ft. in the air. Climbing to the top is like climbing a mountian. As you reach the top you count down "3..2..1.. CANNONBALL!!"

    I like Shannon's paragrapgh becasue of the descriptive detail put into it. The deatails are well thought out. when I read it it fells as though i am there.

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  3. Alec D.

    My eye lids refused to close as anxiety gripped me. The only light that shined into my mental cell was that unforgettable clock. It indicated when my end was approaching, when the gatekeepers would come for me. Hours turned to seconds no time for sleep, only time for fear. And there it was. I could barely make out its silhouette standing in front of my mental prison, but I could definitely head the indecipherable words it growled. I let the water slowly hit me, it was the only relaxing part of doom. The nutrients given to me vanished quickly, their dull taste barely satisfied my growing hunger. A structure then stood before me. This house of torture only deluded my purpose and wasted my time. It feebly attempted to teach me right from wrong. They didn't seem to understand that even their strongest attempts at torture and brainwash could never make me believe their biased lies. Every different instructor telling me the same thing in a different style, some more in depth then others. It didn't matter to me. All my dreams being crushed by the cruel hammer of society. There was no turning back. Only after I had completely embraced the dullness of death could I leave. I finally escaped their chambers to find my self in a patience game being judged by all others subjected to the torture. Only to them it wasn't daily pain to come to this forsaken place. Then emerged my gatekeeper from all the others who impatiently waited for the subjects they had been given. It ferried me back to anxiety where I awaited the horrors of a new day.

    Personally I liked Dustin's paragraph. He tends to mix big words with little words and I find it funny.

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  4. As you walk threw the doors you can smell the blood, swet, and tears the people put in their work. When you go threw the motions of the norm, the only tast is the dryness of your own tongue that is begging for help. When you walk in you can hear the frustrations in the yelling that the people make. Every touch and grip you take is one of the hardest grips your body can take. With this grip you can understand the yelling from the others. The Things in this room are scatterd everywere like ants marching. The monsters arms are as heavy as an elephant. The drops on the ground shows the hard work one has done. The levers as pushing back to make you stuggle to become bigger. Many people of all shapes and sizes come to this place. Some come to release stress and some come to train.


    I like Alec's because he had very good discription on his life at home im guessing. i like how he mentions that the only light staring at him in his prison cell is his clock. he put his paragraph together very well.

    ~Rudy

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  5. Patrick M.

    In a small white washed cell covered with posters of athletes long gone I sit and hope for the end of 4th hour. Marshmallow birds hang in the back corner never leaving their plastic nest. The cell is full of equations and numbers pulling me into a void. In the void a thick mist hovers in my mind blunting my senses and shattering the illusion of time. The echos of bad jokes whisper threw the mist like shrieking cries pulling me out of the void making me feel the pain of hunger only to plunge me back in. I cry in my head when will this nightmare end, just then the bell rings and it all ends.

    I like Madeline G's paragraph because it is relaxing and fun allowing me to think of the good days where there was no school.

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  6. The doors fly open, and there is a stampede of shoppers rushed in, passing the mannequins modeling, and trying to persuade you to buy clothes in the store. Once in, when you look to the right two shoppers are fighting for the last blue shirt, like kids playing tug-of-war. Then on the left, a line as long as a school bus. Overall of this hustle and bustle, there are cell phones singing their ring tones, and people answering.At the check out counter the cashiers are overwhelmed with money flying at them. Once paid for, the clothes are put into bags as bricks are stacked to make a wall. Then the shoppers leave content, and with bags in hand.

    I enjoyed reading Lizzy's paragraph, because she used sensory imagery and good similies, such as "my body roasted...like a turkey on thanksgiving."


    Annie Fittipaldi hr. 2

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  7. I hadn't gone fast enough. Waiting impatiently I noticed a crude noise pulling along side of me. It seemed to be yelling in frustration with music, what else could it be? knowing that no one ever pumps up their radio to be annoying... I wait starring at the light feeling as though we were in a war, as though the stoplight knew I needed to be some where holding a grudge against me for speeding. They go. Then it turns slowly to the satisfying color I want, but to my dismay someone else get the pleasure of freedom. How could this get worse I thought. As I turned up my own radio, I smelled a ghastly exhaust from the vehicle right beside me. I rolled down my windows in hope for something better. This light never had been so cruel.

    I really enjoyed Madeline's paragraph about the pool. She did a great job describing the feelings you feel there and the sounds you hear. It made me want summer to come even faster.

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  8. The doors fly open, and there is a stampede of shoppers rushed in, passing the mannequins modeling, and trying to persuade you to buy clothes in the store. Once in, when you look to the right two shoppers are fighting for the last blue shirt, like kids playing tug-of-war. Then on the left, a line as long as a school bus. Overall of this hustle and bustle, there are cell phones singing their ring tones, and people answering.At the check out counter the cashiers are overwhelmed with money flying at them. Once paid for, the clothes are put into bags as bricks are stacked to make a wall. Then the shoppers leave content, and with bags in hand.

    I enjoyed reading Lizzy's paragraph, because there was good use of sensory imagery, which made it seem more like it was actually summer, and a simile that stood out to me was "I roasted under the sun...like a turkey on thanksgiving."

    Annie Fittipaldi hr. 2

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  9. The smell of savory chicken and buttery burgers rise up through the clear night sky to this secret getaway. The nearby traffic commotion is silenced by the chilly breeze whistling through the air. This secluded paradise stands tall as it gazes off into the distance waiting for more arrivals. During the day, it sits quietly, admiring the beauty surrounding it, but come night, it hosts an abundance of young adventure seekers looking for a thrill.


    I like Rudy's because its very detailed and well thought out. Also, i had to reread it to understand what he was describing.

    -Flip DeBerg

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  10. KELLY M 1st hr

    Taking the first step onto the dewy clean-cut grass. The chattering sounds of ball markers, tees, divit replacers chimes with every step. Watching the yellow flags billow in the cool breeze, it must be a Tuesday, match day. Girls and boys from different schools line up on the first tee, waiting for the gunshot. The only sound to be heard is the faint whispers of the birds in the tall pines slowly swaying. Although all is calm, there's a whiff of uncertain tension in the air. Play begins. A perfect shot, five iron worthy. A sense of bliss fills their heads, perfect. After hours, they approach the final tee. Hair tied, shoes muddy, stepping up to the final shot.

    I liked Alec's paragraph. Although it is very dark and gloomy, his use of imagery and vivd vocab really grabs the readers attention.

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  11. When the door opens to this large Edina home I will smell the smell of a run down bar, with smoke emerging everywhere and kids running wild. When i take a step in it will be like a huricane sucking me in with no escape. Being tossed aroud like a bumper car off person to person i will finally make it up the slimey stairs of the balcony. Standing there, watching the madness as people keep piling in, things being stolen and a kid lik a monkey hanging of the chandelier. I make my way back down stairs, to the basement and find kids flying high as a kite and the smell of the mary jane everywhere. All of a sudden the wild children are telping COPS. I make my way up the stairs and out the tiny door. Cops everywhere outside like ants on a sucker on the floor, questioning everyone in sight trying to figure out whats happeing. The sound of car engines reving up, and kids screaming is everywhere. Now that was a night to remember. (megan armstrong)

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  12. I liked madeline's paragraph becuase she was very descriptive and she used many words that made her paragraph more interesting. (megan Armstrong)

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  13. As I walk through, all I hear is screaming, gibberish, and faces that surprisingly I have never seen and will never see again. i sense tummies grumbling, excitement, while at the same time, children who would rather die than be here because this is the last place they want to be. Too bad it's the law... The opening doors are like security guards halling kids to jail one by one. They hold an invisible force, pulling each student in the right direction as the screeching bell begins. I enter my door, hearing the sweet sounds of sarcasm that carry through the whole room causing students to laugh while making my heart tingle.

    I liked Alec's because as crazy as he is, he uses great imagery to describe his home with lots of passion.

    Camille

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  14. Right as we stepped inside, the mouth-watering display of pies at the front counter pulled my nose right up to the glass separating me from the pie. The kind hostess was as quick as a fox and seated us almost instantly. After we placed our orders, the kitchen bustled like a beehive with activity as the chefs prepared our late night meal. The first round of food was brought out, and the scrumptious apple cinnamon mammoth muffin with a dash of butter on top dazzled my taste buds as I ate the warm, fresh delicacy. At the end of the meal, the heartwarming employees brought out a muffin with a singe candle for the birthday boy, and sang along as we gave him our good wishes. As we were the last ones there, were technically kids, and it was a comfortable, carefree summer Tuesday night, we didn't have to pay a cent for our meal.

    I liked Phil's paragraph because he uses great descriptions and its hard to guess what it is.

    Ryan G

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  15. The bright smiled at me as I entered. A gush of wind swept past me as I opened the door. As waited in line, the smell of the room put my in a trance, I felt like I was in 3 different countries. The smell of bitter sweet oriental noodles made my nostrils flare. Then a voice woke my from my fantasy "May I take your order"? I ordered then sat down at my table and waited for my food and my sister to join me. As soon as my noodles came I sat in aw for few minutes, then eventually I took a bite. Immediately, I sank into a buttery fantasy...again. But as my sister left to grab a napkin, her steaming oriental noodles sat there. I starred at them, they starred back at me. Did I dare take a bite?

    *suspense*

    I really liked kate's because she had really good imagery and personification. Also...I know how she feels at that darn stoplight.

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  16. Walking through the door into a room full of excitement an immediate brush of crisp air hits my face. As I proceed onto my assigned seat to rest my already exhausted legs a whiff of Nate's various snack flows up my nostrils. I lean back into my chair, resting my head on the elegant brick wall behind me. Shortly after I become lost in the dullness of the ceiling tiles, which happen to compliment the brand new carpet ever so nicely. Soon enough my eyelids double in weight. Before I know it I find myself staring off into the blankness of my desk, leaving but one thing to do; bury my head as deep into my arms as possible. I begin to doze off then suddenly a voice as graceful as a mother swan leading its herd. I awake to such a lovely sight, the source of all knowledge when it comes to the English language. Instantly I am engaged.

    -I enjoyed reading Phil's paragraph. Although I stopped reading it after finishing the first sentence, I felt that was enough. He grabbed my attention as well as my appetite in just a single sentence. Kudos Phil. -Sam

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  17. Makenzie Nolan

    Birds chirped gaily as if celebrating the rising of the sun and the rewarding day that the rain would bring. Soon daylight would consume them marking the start of their several tasks, hunting and gathering, freedom at their grasp. The soft dew, and what was left from last nights rain, slowly trickled from the staggered bristles of the pines as each droplet was folded into the earths forgiving soil. Sun light striped the walls of my room as it bled through the wooden blinds and a steady beam of light painted my eyelids, that’s when I awoke from a peaceful slumber. It was not quite six o’clock, my feet hesitated as they searched for the wool rug and stumbled as one would while I searched for my rain boots. If I hurried I could leave unnoticed. I slyly squeezed through my back door, the only barrier that confined me from my happiness, my true place in which I could center myself, everything a blur, nothing mattered. I ran into the woodlands, the tress bending around my moving figure as if pushing me farther and farther into its hallow depths. Nothing could stop me, freedom was at my grasp, I was a bird ready to take flight. The leaves offered me the water in which they had collected from the steady rain fall, the remaining liquid dripped from my chin. Suddenly everything came to a stand still as my hands reached for the large rock to stop my run. My abdomen moved with each breath, my arms clung to the mossy rock as my rain boots then slowly clawed up the boulders slippery curves. I continued to climb the many rocks that encircled the stillness of the forest and the flowing stream. My body lay in a spongy bed of moss as my arms dangled over the rock, I painted pictures in the water and sent ripples down stream. I would lay there for what seemed like days at a time, soaking in the life that surrounded my entire being. Yet, as if being woken from a dream, they found me. I returned to the large cage, the walls that confined my imagination, for I was now forced to live in reality.

    I absolutely loved Alec’s paragraph, when he read it aloud in class today it was like he was reading an excerpt from a book. Awesome description: “The nutrients given to me vanished quickly, their dull taste barely satisfied my growing hunger.” The amount of feeling allows the reader to understand his discontent with school, exaggeration also is key in his writing.

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  18. As i walked down the white hallways with a row of blue, walking with my books, it feels like I am walking on clouds, not a hall. I looked at the clock near the staircase, I realized I'm late! I bolted down the hallway as a cougar bolts for its pray. But I was to late. I was locked out. Oh I was so angry! Like a kitten sleeping on a brick! That locked door was mocking me, laughing at me! Then the door opens and Mr. Dockter allows me to enter the passageway to knowledge. I can taste it, taste the sense of victory. It was great, like winning a competition against the world.

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  19. Being in the center of it is total chaos. If you are waiting in the line, you are in the middle of a zoo, amongst many animals who appear in all different brands, colors, and models with one thing in common: the immense urge to free themselves and those they carry from this 9 month prison. You can hear the countless pitches, tones, and beats originating from only the highest quality Bose speakers—genres of music varying from hip-hop to pop, mostly recognizable songs sung by popular artists. The freshness of spring can be smelt, and the radiating warm vitamin D can be felt. Prisoners can taste the freedom that dwells on the other side as they wait to be ushered “free.” Countless hours of involuntarily being constrained to a desk are over—for today. Strained eyes watch anxiously, careful not to avert their attention for their feet ready to ‘step on it.’ When finally given the signal—a steam of eager teenagers flow past the black and red-lettered entrance like a massive never-ending waterfall.

    I liked Flip's because it really makes you have to re-read his in order to figure out what place he is talking about. I also like his many descriptive adjectives he used to describe the unique tastes and scents.

    Julia Withers 2nd Hour <3

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  20. I can't detach my eyes from the clock. If the minute hand could go just a little farther, a little faster... 3:15 and the loud clammering of hundreds of rejuvinated students roars over the school as everyone meets again after an exhausting day. The auroma of gas fills the air as kids congregate towards the buses and cars that stand like gates to freedom. Students and teachers alike relaxed and liberated. Everyone glad to be done with work and that much closer to summer.

    I like Alec's paragraph. It had a lot of great vocabulary and metaphors making it very descriptive albeit a dark.

    Peter Sakaguchi

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  21. As I Walked in, the lack of concentration filled the room. The teacher self-consciously stood there as if she was a lamppost while the students snored irritatingly. The desks stood pathetically like pillows for an afternoon nap. The plain smell of white rice could describe how boring it really was. The only excitement was the slightest random whistle. One would get so bored, life as an obese snail would be better.

    I really liked sam's parargraph that he read in class. It was very descriptive so you could tell exactly what he was talking about.

    Ian A-K

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  22. Greeted by the familiar sent of hot dough paired with cinnamon and sugar frosting as you walk in. The gleaming skylights welcome the guests to their home. Cash registers ring their perfect pitch as a flute in a marching band and shoes clacking perfectly in rhythm like drums. The faint smell of perfume in the air. The unblemished fabrics cling so perfectly like a well needed hug. Time slowly evaporates into thin air into something that never existed.

    I really liked Mackenzie's paragraph. She really goes into a lot of detail and uses rare vocabulary that is very descriptive, but yet you know exactly what she is talking about.

    Sofia Halgren

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  23. When i open the doors, I smell the sweet smell of ice cream. My mouth is watering The pictures on the wall just make me wont to eat everything. When i am standing in line ready to order, I hear the mixer mixing. When waiting for my ice cream, all i can think about is how the ice cream smells like summer. I watch others come in the bright bleaming doors with huge smiles on their faces. When they hand me my ice cream it just melts in my mouth.

    I really like Mackenzie's because she goes into great detail with out actually seeing where she is. She uses good vocab that describes the place well. You could definitely tell where and what she was talking about.

    Allie Rooney

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  24. (I handed mine in on paper)

    I liked Alec's paragraph; his comparison of school to hell and his use of... odd imagery and word choice made his paragraph fun to read.

    -Dustin

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  25. Nelson Harrington period 2
    The smell of popcorn fills the air. The sound of cash registers is deafening. People rushing around with bags filled with goods. When there is a sale people do not care stop. People moving around like a flood not stopping until they have to.

    I liked Machenize's paragraph because I could really feel like I was there.

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  26. The smell of fresh fruit fills the air as i open the door. Everyone is so cheery inside as the music plays in the background to block out the sound of the blenders. Standing in line, I look through all the different choices of smoothies. I pick the banana berry and wait for about 2 minutes while they mix everything together. Then they call my name out loud and i go pick up the tastey smoothie. Taking my first drink all i think about is summer and happiness.

    I like madelines paragraph because it makes me feel like im there and i all i can think about is summer!

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  27. The smell of fresh fruit fills the air as i open the door. Everyone is so cheery inside as the music plays in the background to block out the sound of the blenders. Standing in line, I look through all the different choices of smoothies. I pick the banana berry and wait for about 2 minutes while they mix everything together. Then they call my name out loud and i go pick up the tastey smoothie. Taking my first drink all i think about is summer and happiness.

    I like madelines paragraph because it makes me feel like im there and i all i can think about is summer!

    mara stege

    ReplyDelete